reflections and frustrations

It's almost at the 2 month mark from when I first arrived home from Ghana. I must admit that getting used to everything was tough. For the first few weeks all I wanted to do was get on a plane back to Ghana...I wanted nothing to do with life here. It was especially difficult after getting back to PC where it is almost a different world. People here care about the most trivial things and I just found myself getting frustrated. I still struggle with people saying that they want to hear my stories and about what it was like, and then never follow through. It's hard enough to share this experience with people, but it makes it harder when people only pretend to care. I guess it's not that people don't care, just that they don't realize how it affects me...I need to be more forgiving I suppose.

On Sunday I recieved a letter from a friend in Hohoe. I was so excited to see the letter and realize who it was from...but as I read the letter, my heart sank. It was from my friend John, begging me to get him to America. He told me that I was sent from God to bring him here. I was hurt. I hate that people in Ghana only want a way out...I hate that they don't want to build up their country...I hate that America is some kind of promise land. (i'm over generalizing here to make a point :) ) I am not God...I do not have the power right now to be able to get a visa for someone to come here...would I even desire that for him? Is it fair to bring him over when he has a family...is it fair that he would want to leave his wife and children just to get a ticket to America? Is it fair that there are millions of people in Ghana who don't have that opportunity? It just put a lot of pressure on me, and it hurt me to think that our friendships consists of that...just him wanting to get out of Ghana when he probably has one of the highest paying jobs in the area. Why is life such a series of paradoxes and tension? Why do people value money and status more than relationships?

I hate that my posts have been so down lately, I guess I am still homesick. I am still frustrated, but every day here gets better as I am learning what is truely important.